A Steelpan Romance - with Mr. Pit - from the New York Steelband world

Let's face it Pan and the Panman represent one of the greatest love stories of all time. However, every year at this time in New York 80% of the New York pan community have a lovers' break up with pan. Of course they will all be back next year but that's not the point. New York is a cold town that only tolerates winners. Let's look at the issues of the moment. What happens to pan men and women who don't win. "You see me - I done, you hear me, that's it" they all say. The killer of this great steelpan romance and subsequent NY horrors is panorama. You see, after panorama the panman comes to his senses and tries to rationalize his irrational behavior. The many long nights of practice, sometimes in a dark dreary place behind god's back; trying to dodge shutdowns by the police, mal tempered neighbors and bad weather when it rains... He thinks "why do I do this?" He looks at his swollen knees from the long hours of standing behind a pan, shifting his weight from one leg to another, anywhere between 4 to 6 weeks, and says "damm - when did that [swollen knees]

happen".

As the pan person quietly limps to his chair he thinks "I need a vacation!" Only to realize he or she took their vacation to prepare and play in panorama, and therefore have has no vacation time left! He sits and he thinks how - after every late-night practice, the evil bus driver, who at 2:00 am in the morning, seems to wait every night until he sees him running coming, only to pull out of the bus stop without him. He thinks about the potholes that swallow him and his bike every night, as the same potholes move to whichever road he takes. The dollar cab driver that tried to run him over. The policeman who stops him and looks at his pan sticks as some sort of martial art weapon of mass destruction. He thinks especially about the neighborhood pit pull, Mr. Pit Bull - aka Mr. Pit - who waited to greet him every night and make him run (Olympic style) an extra 2 blocks out of his way to get home.

Now he must face Mr. Pit and tell him that he didn't win panorama. You see, the pit bull eased up on him the final night before panorama out of neighborhood pride. Mr. Pit was looking forward to his win. Even the NY squirrels are pissed at him as they drop nuts on his head saying "why you come back here - you not win anything." The New York pigeons who already have much attitude, are now screaming at him "boy move dey, go around" as they block his path on the road. This is the same pigeon who flew home from the panorama and told everyone he lost. And now Mr. Pigeon and his friends using him as target practice as they fly over his head. Not to mention Mr. Rat, because - you see - they live in the bowels of New York and they have internet access (and you thought fibre optics was only for light signals to travel in). Two seconds after the results were announced, they [Rats] went global with his business. So now "Cousin This" and "Tantie Dat" know he has not won.

The worst is when his kids see him in the morning for the first time in a long time and scream "Mammy - ah strange man in the kitchen!" And of course there is that dreaded look from his wife or girl friend. You know the look. Don't even MENTION the word "Pan."

And the final insult- his family introduces him to the new pet they brought home. None other than- Mr. Pit!